I wanted to know everything about Him and I truly loved Him with all my heart and soul. I was innocent, a little confused, and feeling condemned a lot of the time for various reasons.

I became part of a close knit group that was based in Virginia about a year after I was saved. They were not part of an organized church. They joked about being a cult. While I would not classify them as such, they came pretty close. For the first couple years I was so hungry for a stable family environment that I just sunk my spiritual baby teeth into anything they gave me and followed all the “rules” the best I could. But again, under it all, I was searching for Jesus, trying to find Him among all the religious stuff.  I did not know this was a rather legalistic way to be. I just knew I wanted Jesus and as much of Him as I could get. 

 But as time went on I figured out there was a lot of pastor worship going on there. The pastor could do no wrong and to say he could was “blasphemy.”  I began to see the problems with this group. But I hung in there based upon my desperate need for family and my hunger for more of Jesus was being satisfied to some degree.  But as God gave me more understanding of who Jesus is I began to feel very uncomfortable being part of that group. But they were my surrogate family and I loved them as such. I felt God prompting me to leave but it was so hard to let go.

 Then I was kicked out when God decided to baptize me in the Holy Spirit and I subsequently began to develop those same spiritual gifts I did not believe in at that time (Don’t ever tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor) because the Pastor did not believe in charismatic doctrine so of COURSE, neither did anyone else.  So I was abruptly told to leave and subsequently crushed emotionally as I found myself painfully going through a tremendous loss at a young christian age of just 4 years.  But God knew better.  I had gotten all I could from this group and it was time to move on.

Oh, how far I’ve come.

Fast forwarding to now, about 14 years later.  I don’t wear long skirts. In fact at this point I do not wear skirts at all, much to the chagrin of my older sis.   I go to a charismatic church that loves Jesus with all of their collective heart. I still love the puritans and reformers but keep their writings in balance with the other aspects of the christian life because they can be a bit heavy on the “religious stuff.”

 And I have learned a few things about myself and God and our relationship along the way.

He loves me more than I’ll ever love Him.

The clothes you wear do not make you any more or less holy. Neither does carrying a bible everywhere.

You can embrace reformed and charismatic doctrines and be perfectly at peace with both.

He has forgiven and will continue to forgive me as I stumble my way through life.

Because of His Son’s cross, my debt is paid in FULL.

I can be “normal”

I can be happy.

I am not condemned, not EVER.

Because of Jesus, I am ENOUGH.

If someone had come to me some 14 years ago and told me this is who I would be now, I would have thought they were crazy. But now I know.

God knows better than me.

And I am so very GLAD He does.

But there’s a reason why I have not been keeping up with my blog. And it is the same reason I have  not kept up with many other things, mainly spiritual ones.

I have been away from God.

Yup, there it is for the whole world to read. Or at least those in my world. ) I was living a half-life, a fake life, and just going through the motions. And it is really no life at all. I have grown tired of it. It ironically enough, drains the life out of me. It is strange to me that I am one who does this yet God constantly is calling me to be consumed with passion for Him. I suppose it is not ironic but falls right in line with the enemy’s snares for me. God calls things that are not as though they are. I am one called to be consumed with passion for Him but I keep allowing myself to fall into the enemy’s snares of lukewarmness. UGH!!! Well I am sick of it, sick of feeling dead inside, and sick of myself. I want to be consumed by HIM now and forever.

I know the road that lies ahead is a difficult one. But it will be paved with joy and lined with mercy as I walk down it. Thank You, Lord for Your redeeming grace and constant call upon my heart to follow and be consumed with passion for  You.

Amen!!

His laugh..well..if you have ever heard it I don’t care who you are..you would HAVE to laugh too…

His sense of humor..I do not know many 5 year olds that make me laugh out loud with the things they say. But he does every single day.

His imagination…he has an amazing one and it zooms faster than I can keep up. (Don’t you know…Tigger is his best imaginary friend right now?)

The way he lives life. He seems to fully embrace the world around him. He is not at all shy and will tell you every random detail you would ever want to know about anything that is important to him.  He talks to anyone who will listen and loves to tell them about everything he can.

The way he loves. He gives kisses and hugs upon request and sometimes without any request at all (which just makes my day). He laughs, plays with full joy, and his blue eyes dance.  He dearly loves his Mama and Papa.  And I really hope  he loves his Aunt Shel too. Cuz she certainly loves him.

Stephen, you’ve captured my heart in a way it has not been captured for some time. I am grateful you are in my life, my dear sweet nephew. May God smile upon your life always. I love you dearly, Little Man, and always will.

I can honestly say that with a heart that is full of love and hope. Hope for the future and a security that can only come from knowing the Great Creator of the universe on an intimate level. Isn’t He amazing? HE who is infinite became an infant. I say that sentence to myself a lot during the Christmas season because it just speaks to the awesomeness of our Lord. God is amazing on so many levels. More than we could ever know or comprehend.

I was reading Psalm 103 the other day and one scripture kinda jumped off the page and into my heart.

 Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity,  who heals all your diseases (Psalm 103:2-3 ESV).

“Who heals all your diseases.”  That is the part that jumped out at me. Because I have been spending the better part of my adult life working on healing from my childhood.  And well, it has been a long, weary, and strange  journey to say the least. But lately I have found myself experiencing the most wonderful sense of completion. I have found myself savoring time with family and friends more, enjoying laughing with my darling husband, and getting plugged in at my new and awesome church. Because I can now say I am healed I am finding myself enjoying this beautiful life with my beautiful Savior more than ever.

 God is truly truly good. Which makes life truly beautiful. He heals ALL  of our diseases.  He  takes something that is broken and stained and creates something truly good and beautiful. Beauty for ashes. What a mind boggling thing! What a truly wonderful God!!  He heals us..all of our being..he leaves no stone unturned. And as someone who has been experiencing the most wonderful sense of healing completion.. I can attest to that.

Thank You Sweet Lord for Your healing hand.

Fast forward to now, almost a year and a  half later. Frankie has since dropped out of school and I am still going strong. But I have changed my major to Psychology.  I am about halfway finished with earning my Associate’s Degree. Then I plan to change tactics and attend a christian based university most likely online to earn my Bachelor’s and then Master’s Degree, and possibly my PhD. I would love the chance to actually go to college but I am trying to be realistic about this.

But that isn’t what this blog entry is about.

It is about the little girl who grew up deathly afraid of her mother everyday for 6 years. Afraid of being beaten or cursed at or told she is nothing and would never amount to anything. It is about the teenage girl who at 16 finally stood up to  her mother and told her if she ever (insert expletive) hit her again she would have her locked up. It is about the young woman who at 23 undisputedly discovered her mother was a drug addict. And then it is about the woman who at 30 years old lost both parents within just weeks of each other and could not imagine such a thing even as it was happening to her.

But it is also about the young woman who at the age of 20 became an Emergency Medical Technician and saw many horrible things happening to people during that time and tried from a heart of compassion to help them as best she could. And then at the age of 21, that same young woman surrendered to the God Who had been pursuing her all that time and still is today because He loves her so much.

Now I said this entry is not about me going to college. Well…that is only partially true. When I started my school journey I was thinking, “I will just get my Bachelor’s in Business and that will be enough.” But as time went on, I knew my heart was not in a Business Degree, no matter how versatile it can be.  So I switched to Psychology and it has all become very personal. My goal is to be a  christian counselor or therapist. I need to have at least a Master’s Degree to do that. But here’s where it gets interesting.

The little girl who came from virtually nothing, was used and abused by a drug addicted mother, MIGHT BECOME A DOCTOR?? 

Yeah, I mean why not? It is only 2 more years of school after a Master’s Degree.  But everytime I think about it, I think, “This can’t be me, little ol Richelle Hoblitt, wanting to be a Doctor Of Psychology.” 

 To which I have to say to all the parts of me that have suffered in varying degrees and can’t believe even the possibility of such a thing, THIS ONE’S FOR YOU, GIRLS!! 

But it was on Blogger.com and was getting zero attention.

So I moved it to Word Press. LOL it is very overwhelming. Picking a theme,(Don’t EVEN get me started), trying to change the web link to something else (which I still have not accomplished), and not to mention it took me seemingly FOREVER to figure how to export and then import the blog from Blogger to WordPress. Sigh. LOL It is a good thing I am a techno geek. I finally figured it all out. I seriously hope people will find and start reading my blog. Cuz I love to write.  And I love to share my life. I am a big talker. I talk entirely too much.  But I love to share about my life and I am not sure why. Is it the writer in me? Or the extrovert? Or the introvert’s safe way of expressing herself(meaning blogging, not talking), the things she is afraid to say out loud?  Cuz as much as I like to share, there are some things I keep to myself.  And that is cuz I feel misunderstood often enough that I am not so inclined to share EVERYTHING. Anyways, we don’t want to air all our “dirty laundry” on a blog or even in a social setting cuz that is bad form. Seriously. 

So this is sorta the “rebirth” or “revival’ of my blog. If you happen by here, leave me a comment please.  I won’t lie, they make me feel special.

This is Your greatest Glory;
In the darkest hour ever known.
Behold the dying Lamb of God;
You left Your great Throne above;
To be God and Man all in one.
I See You there on the Cross You chose;
To pay the debt we owed;
In the cross of Your sacrifice.

You beheld the cross with joy;
But despised the shame You bore.
You took it all for me;
Down to the crown of thorns you wore.
Jesus, You gave us Your all;
Knowing it would more than suffice.
You gave us everything;
In the Cross of Your Sacrifice.